Tuesday, 29 November 2011

Love and Intimacy for Muslims


Love and Intimacy for Muslims


One day a sister dropped by to pick up something and saw me dressed up with make-up and jewelry, so she assumed I was going somewhere. When I told her I wasnt, the reason I dressed up surprised her.
I told her, “Because it is about time for my husband to return from work.”
She said, “You still get ready for your husband?”
“Yes, what do you mean “still”?!” I asked.
She said, “I used to do that in the beginning of the marriage and then I don’t it anymore.”


Unfortunately this is a common scenario among many Muslim married sisters. In fact, one of the most common complaints husbands have against their wives is that the wives dont beautify themselves at home.

I have personally observed many Muslim sisters stop taking care of themselves once they get married. Some married sisters only dress up when they go out and while others dont even bother with that. For some, abaya and hijab become a perfect “cover up” for outside the house and shalwar-kameez  become the perfect lounge-wear for inside the house!


Reasons Why Sisters Dont Dress Up:
I cannot generalize the reasons why sisters stop taking interest in taking care of themselves at home, but I want to highlight 2 main points:
  1. Once married to a practicing brother, sisters assume their knight in shining armor won’t be interested in their looks but, rather, in their imaan. They believe their beauty lies in their “piety.”
  2. Husbands dont express their desire in seeing their wives dressed up. Or, when their wives dress up, they dont bother to compliment them, which confuses the wife into thinking, “He does not care.”
Beauty and Piety are Two Separate Characteristics:

Let’s remember, piety may add to a person’s inner beauty which may reflect through physical appearance; however, they both are independent characteristics.

There is no prohibition in looking good; in fact, to physically beautify oneself to please one’s husband and keep him happy is not only a praiseworthy act but also a means to earn reward from Allah azza wa jall.
When the Prophet sallallahu alihi wasalam was asked which woman was best, he replied, “The one who pleases (her husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he gives a command….” (Nasai)

Hence, sisters, please on a daily basis before your husband returns home:
  • Take a shower.
  • Change your clothes.
  • Wash your face with cleanser/scrub.
  • Put light make up on. Please dont use the excuse, “I dont know how to.”
  • Wear some jewelry.
  • Show some creativity with your hair. Remember frizzy hair can be taken care of with gel, mousse, hair spray, hair straightener etc.
Moreover, try to get a facial done once in a while. If you cant afford to, there are millions of products available at very reasonable prices for home facials/deep cleaning.


Dear sisters,
Abaya should not be used to cover up weight gain, and neither should the hijab keep frizzy/unkempt hair covered. I understand that shalwar-kameez are the most comfortable clothing but it needs to be changed before your husband get back home.


Husbands: Pay Attention & Don’t be Stingy with Words:

A wife desires attention from her husband. If she feels her husband appreciates her dressing up and taking care of herself, it will encourage her to take care of herself. Hence, husbands please:
  • Pay attention to your wife on a daily basis
  • Show interest in her looks, clothes and her overall appearance
  • Encourage her by buying her clothes you would like her to wear
  • When she is dressed up, make sure you praise her.
  • When she is not, remind her gently

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