Tuesday, 29 November 2011

Love and Intimacy for Muslims

Love and Intimacy for Muslims

One day a sister dropped by to pick up something and saw me dressed up with make-up and jewelry, so she assumed I was going somewhere. When I told her I wasnt, the reason I dressed up surprised her.
I told her, “Because it is about time for my husband to return from work.”
She said, “You still get ready for your husband?”
“Yes, what do you mean “still”?!” I asked.
She said, “I used to do that in the beginning of the marriage and then I don’t it anymore.”

Unfortunately this is a common scenario among many Muslim married sisters. In fact, one of the most common complaints husbands have against their wives is that the wives dont beautify themselves at home.

I have personally observed many Muslim sisters stop taking care of themselves once they get married. Some married sisters only dress up when they go out and while others dont even bother with that. For some, abaya and hijab become a perfect “cover up” for outside the house and shalwar-kameez  become the perfect lounge-wear for inside the house!

Reasons Why Sisters Dont Dress Up:
I cannot generalize the reasons why sisters stop taking interest in taking care of themselves at home, but I want to highlight 2 main points:
  1. Once married to a practicing brother, sisters assume their knight in shining armor won’t be interested in their looks but, rather, in their imaan. They believe their beauty lies in their “piety.”
  2. Husbands dont express their desire in seeing their wives dressed up. Or, when their wives dress up, they dont bother to compliment them, which confuses the wife into thinking, “He does not care.”
Beauty and Piety are Two Separate Characteristics:

Let’s remember, piety may add to a person’s inner beauty which may reflect through physical appearance; however, they both are independent characteristics.

There is no prohibition in looking good; in fact, to physically beautify oneself to please one’s husband and keep him happy is not only a praiseworthy act but also a means to earn reward from Allah azza wa jall.
When the Prophet sallallahu alihi wasalam was asked which woman was best, he replied, “The one who pleases (her husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he gives a command….” (Nasai)

Hence, sisters, please on a daily basis before your husband returns home:
  • Take a shower.
  • Change your clothes.
  • Wash your face with cleanser/scrub.
  • Put light make up on. Please dont use the excuse, “I dont know how to.”
  • Wear some jewelry.
  • Show some creativity with your hair. Remember frizzy hair can be taken care of with gel, mousse, hair spray, hair straightener etc.
Moreover, try to get a facial done once in a while. If you cant afford to, there are millions of products available at very reasonable prices for home facials/deep cleaning.

Dear sisters,
Abaya should not be used to cover up weight gain, and neither should the hijab keep frizzy/unkempt hair covered. I understand that shalwar-kameez are the most comfortable clothing but it needs to be changed before your husband get back home.

Husbands: Pay Attention & Don’t be Stingy with Words:

A wife desires attention from her husband. If she feels her husband appreciates her dressing up and taking care of herself, it will encourage her to take care of herself. Hence, husbands please:
  • Pay attention to your wife on a daily basis
  • Show interest in her looks, clothes and her overall appearance
  • Encourage her by buying her clothes you would like her to wear
  • When she is dressed up, make sure you praise her.
  • When she is not, remind her gently

Sunday, 27 November 2011

Excellence and Virtues of the Second caliph of Islam Hazrat Umar Ibn al-Khattab (R.A)

All praise is for Allah who ennobled the ability of those who desire to be his servants. I testify that there is no deity except Allah, the King of the distressed and the happy, I testify that our master Muhammad is his beloved Messenger, who establishes the right path, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, his family, his companions and the outstanding leaders.

The excellence and virtues of the second caliph of Islam, Sayyiduna Umar al-Farooq, may Allah be pleased with him, are more than can be counted. Here, I am mentioning the most famous ones. I only wish to bless myself by serving him by this remnant to benefit he who does not know much of his virtues by the ignorance before him. This small collection of Traditions will in sha Allah increase and elevate his rank in our hearts and minds and tell us of his exalted status in the court of Almighty Allah and His beloved Messenger SallAllaho Alaihi wa Sallam.

1. Sayyiduna Abdullah bin Abbas (may Allah be pleased with both the father and the son) reports the Holy Prophet, may Allah send greetings and salutations on him, as saying:
اللهم أعز الإسلام بأبى جهل بن هشام أو بعمر. قال فأصبح فغدا عمر على رسول الله -صلى الله عليه وسلم- فأسلم
"O Allah, strengthen Islam with Abu Jahl bin Hisham or Umar bin Khattab." In the morning Umar went to the Holy Prophet, may Allah send greetings and salutations on him, and embraced Islam. [Sunan Tirmidhi, Hadith 3683]
2. Sayyiduna Abdullah bin Abbas (may Allah be pleased with both the father and the son) narrates when Sayyiduna Umar Radi Allahu Ta'ala Anhu accepted Islam, Jibraeel Alaihis Salam descent and said:
يا محمد لقد استبشر أهل السماء بإسلام عمر
"O Muhammad – may Allah send greetings and salutations on him – indeed, the residents of the heavens are rejoicing in Umar`s embracing Islam." [Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 103]

3. It is related that Sayyiduna 'Abdullah Radi Allahu Ta'ala Anhu said,
ما زلنا أعزة منذ أسلم عمر
"We have become mighty since 'Umar became Muslim." [Sahih al-Bukhari, Book of the Virtues of the Companions, Hadith 3481]

4. Sayyiduna Uqbah bin Amir (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Holy Prophet, may Allah send greetings and salutations on him, said:
لو كان بعدى نبى لكان عمر بن الخطاب
If there were to be a prophet after me, indeed he would be Umar, son of Khattab. [Sunan Tirmidhi, Hadith 3686]
5. It is related that Sayyiduna Jabir ibn 'Abdullah said that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said,
رأيتنى دخلت الجنة ، فإذا أنا بالرميصاء امرأة أبى طلحة وسمعت خشفة ، فقلت من هذا فقال هذا بلال . ورأيت قصرا بفنائه جارية ، فقلت لمن هذا فقال لعمر . فأردت أن أدخله فأنظر إليه ، فذكرت غيرتك » . فقال عمر بأمى وأبى يا رسول الله أعليك أغار طرفاه
"I dreamt that I entered the Garden and there was ar-Rumaysa', the wife of Abu Talha. I heard a faint sound and said, 'Who is this?' He said, 'This is Bilal.' I saw a palace with a girl in its courtyard and said, 'Who does this belong to?' They said, ''Umar.' I wanted to enter it and look at it but then I remembered your jealousy.' 'Umar said, 'By my mother and father, Messenger of Allah, would I be jealous on account of you?'" [Sahih al-Bukhari, Book of the Virtues of the Companions, Hadith 3476]

6. Sayyiduna Abdullah bin Umar (may Allah be pleased with both the father and the son) narrates that one day the Holy Prophet, may Allah send greetings and salutations on him, went out and entered the mosque with Abu Bakr and Umar, one on his right hand and the other on his left, holding their hands. Then he said:
هكذا نبعث يوم القيامة
"We will be raised thus on the Day of Resurrection." [Sunan Tirmidhi, Hadith 3669]

7. Sayyiduna Jabir bin Abdullah (may Allah be pleased with both the father and the son) narrates:
قال عمر لأبى بكر يا خير الناس بعد رسول الله. فقال أبو بكر أما إنك إن قلت ذاك فلقد سمعت رسول الله -صلى الله عليه وسلم- يقول ما طلعت الشمس على رجل خير من عمر
Umar said to Abu Bakr, "O best of men after Allah`s Messenger, may Allah send greetings and salutations on him!" Abu Bakr replied, "Seeing that you have that, (I would also tell you that) I heard Allah`s Messenger, may Allah send greetings and salutations on him, say, "The sun has not risen on a better man than Umar."" [Sunan Tirmidhi, Hadith 3684]

8. Sayyiduna Abdullah bin Umar (may Allah be pleased with both the father and the son) narrates that Allah`s Messenger, may Allah send greetings and salutations on him, said,

إن الله جعل الحق على لسان عمر وقلبه "Indeed, Allah has placed truth upon Umar`s tongue and heart." [Sunan Tirmidhi, Hadith 2682]

9. It is related from Sayyiduna Abu Hamzah that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said,
بينا أنا نائم شربت - يعنى اللبن - حتى أنظر إلى الرى يجرى فى ظفرى أو فى أظفارى ، ثم ناولت عمر. فقالوا فما أولته قال العلم
"While I was asleep, I dreamt that I drank (milk) until I could feel moisture coming out of my nails and then I gave it to 'Umar ibn al-Khattab." They asked, "How do you interpret it, Messenger of Allah?" He replied, "It means knowledge." [Sahih al-Bukhari, Book of the Virtues of the Companions, Hadith 3478]

10. It is related that Sayyiduna 'Abdullah ibn 'Umar said that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said,
أريت فى المنام أنى أنزع بدلو بكرة على قليب ، فجاء أبو بكر فنزع ذنوبا أو ذنوبين نزعا ضعيفا ، والله يغفر له ، ثم جاء عمر بن الخطاب فاستحالت غربا ، فلم أر عبقريا يفرى فريه حتى روى الناس وضربوا بعطن
"I dreamt that I was at a well drawing water with a young camel's bucket, Abu Bakr came and drew one or two buckets, but there was some weakness in his drawing. May Allah forgive him. Then 'Umar ibn al-Khattab came and it turned into a large bucket in his hand. I have not seen a leader among the people work so well as he did until the people watered their camels." [Sahih al-Bukhari, Book of the Virtues of the Companions, Hadith 3479]

11. It is related that Sayyiduna Sa'id ibn Abi Waqqas said,
استأذن عمر بن الخطاب على رسول الله - صلى الله عليه وسلم - ، وعنده نسوة من قريش يكلمنه ويستكثرنه ، عالية أصواتهن على صوته فلما استأذن عمر بن الخطاب قمن فبادرن الحجاب فأذن له رسول الله - صلى الله عليه وسلم - فدخل عمر ورسول الله - صلى الله عليه وسلم - يضحك ، فقال عمر أضحك الله سنك يا رسول الله . فقال النبى - صلى الله عليه وسلم - « عجبت من هؤلاء اللاتى كن عندى فلما سمعن صوتك ابتدرن الحجاب » . فقال عمر فأنت أحق أن يهبن يا رسول الله . ثم قال عمر يا عدوات أنفسهن ، أتهبننى ولا تهبن رسول الله - صلى الله عليه وسلم - فقلن نعم ، أنت أفظ وأغلظ من رسول الله - صلى الله عليه وسلم - . فقال رسول الله - صلى الله عليه وسلم - إيها يا ابن الخطاب والذى نفسى بيده ما لقيك الشيطان سالكا فجا قط إلا سلك فجا غير فجك
"'Umar asked the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, for permission to enter while there were some women of Quraysh with him who speaking to him and asking him for more, raising their voices above his voice. When 'Umar ibn al-Khattab asked for permission to enter, they rushed to screen themselves. The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, gave him permission and 'Umar entered while the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, was laughing. 'Umar said, 'May Allah make you laugh, Messenger of Allah.' He said, 'I am amazed at those women who were with me. When they heard your voice, they rushed to screen themselves.' 'Umar said, 'But you, Messenger of Allah, are more entitled to be feared.' Then he said, 'O enemies of your selves! Do you fear me and not fear the Messenger of Allah?' They said, 'Yes, you are harsher and more severe than the Messenger of Allah.' The Messenger of Allah said, 'O Ibn al-Khattab! By the One in whose hand my soul is, whenever Shaytan finds you taking a path, he only takes a path other than your path.'" [Sahih al-Bukhari, Book of the Virtues of the Companions, Hadith 3480]

12. It is related that Sayyiduna Ibn 'Abbas said,
وضع عمر على سريره ، فتكنفه الناس يدعون ويصلون قبل أن يرفع ، وأنا فيهم ، فلم يرعنى إلا رجل آخذ منكبى ، فإذا على فترحم على عمر ، وقال ما خلفت أحدا أحب إلى أن ألقى الله بمثل عمله منك ، وايم الله ، إن كنت لأظن أن يجعلك الله مع صاحبيك ، وحسبت أنى كنت كثيرا أسمع النبى - صلى الله عليه وسلم - يقول ذهبت أنا وأبو بكر وعمر ، ودخلت أنا وأبو بكر وعمر ، وخرجت أنا وأبو بكر وعمر
"'Umar ibn al-Khattab who had been placed on his bed, and the people gathered around him to make supplication and pray before he was removed. I was among them. I was startled when a man took hold of my shoulders, and it was 'Ali ibn Abi Talib. He asked for mercy for 'Umar and said, 'You have not left behind anyone I would prefer to encounter with the like of your actions. By Allah, I used to think that Allah would put you with your two companions. I reckoned this as I often heard the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say, "I and Abu Bakr and 'Umar went..." and "I and Abu Bakr and 'Umar entered..." and "I and Abu Bakr and 'Umar left."'" [Sahih al-Bukhari, Book of the Virtues of the Companions, Hadith 3482]

13. It is added that Sayyiduna Abu Hurayra said that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said,
لقد كان فيمن كان قبلكم من بنى إسرائيل رجال يكلمون من غير أن يكونوا أنبياء ، فإن يكن من أمتى منهم أحد فعمر
"Among the tribe of Israel before you were men who were spoken to without being Prophets. If there are any of them among my community, then it is 'Umar." [Sahih al-Bukhari, Book of the Virtues of the Companions, Hadith 3486]

14. It is related that Sayyiduna Abu Sa'id al-Khudri said, "I heard the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say,
بينا أنا نائم رأيت الناس عرضوا على وعليهم قمص ، فمنها ما يبلغ الثدى ، ومنها ما يبلغ دون ذلك ، وعرض على عمر وعليه قميص اجتره . قالوا فما أولته يا رسول الله قال الدين
'While I was asleep, I dreamed I saw some people who were shown to me and who were wearing shirts some of which reached to their breasts and some of which were shorter than that. 'Umar ibn al-Khattab was shown to me wearing a shirt that was trailing on the ground.' They asked, 'How do you interpret that, Messenger of Allah?' He answered, 'The Religion.'" [Sahih al-Bukhari, Book of the Virtues of the Companions, Hadith 3488]

15. The son of Sayyiduna Ali
Radi Allahu Allahu Ta'ala Anhu, Imam Muhammad bin Hanafiyya Radi Allahu Allahu Ta'ala Anhu narrates:
قلت لأبى أى الناس خير بعد رسول الله - صلى الله عليه وسلم - قال أبو بكر . قلت ثم من قال ثم عمر
'I asked my father who was the best of people after the Holy Prophet and he answered "Abu Bakr". I asked him who is the best of people after Abu Bakr and he replied, "Umar"' [Sahih al-Bukhari, Book of the Virtues of the Companions, Hadith 3468]

16. Hadrat Abdullah bin Salma Radi Allahu Allahu Ta'ala Anhu reports from Sayyiduna Ali
Radi Allahu Allahu Ta'ala Anhu ,
خیر الناس بعد رسول الله صلی الله تعالی علیه وسلم ابوبكر وخیر الناس بعد ابوبكر عمر
'After the Noble Messenger, the best of people is Abu Bakr, then the best of people is Umar' [Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 111]

17. Narrated by Sayyiduna Hudhaifa Radi Allahu Ta'ala Anhu, He said: Beloved Prophet SallAllaho Alaihi wa Sallam said,
اقتدوا باللذين من بعدي أبي بكر و عمر“Follow after me from my companions Abu-Bakr and 'Umar.” [Sunan Tirmidhi, Hadith 3742]

18. Sayyiduna Abdullah Ibn Mas'ood Radi Allahu Ta'ala Anhu said:
لو وضع علم عمر في كفة ميزان و وضع علم الناس في كفة لرجح علم عمر"If the knowledge of 'Umar was put on one side of a scale, and the knowledge of the people on the other side of the scale, 'Umar's knowledge would weigh more." [Al-Mustadrak 'ala al-Sahîhayn‎, Vol. 3, Page 92, Hadith 4497]

19. Imam Ahmad Ibn Hanbal records a hadith narrated upon the authority of Sayyiduna Qabisah ibn Jaabir who said:
ما رأيت رجلا أعلم بالله ولا أقرأ لكتاب الله ولا أفقه في دين الله من عمرI haven't seen anyone more knowledgeable about the book of Allah and His religion, nor anyone more upholding of the limits imposed by Allah, nor anyone more feared and respected in the breasts of men than 'Umar ibn Al-Khattaab. [Fadail al-Sahaba, Vol. 1, Page 330, Hadith 472]

20. Sayyiduna Ali (may Allah ennoble his face) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bestow peace and blessings upon him) said,
أبوبكر وعمر سيدا كهول أهل الجنة من الأولين والآخرين، ما خلا النبيين والمرسلين
“Abu Bakr and `Umar are the leaders of the mature inhabitants of Paradise, of the first and the last with the exception of the Prophets and the Messengers.” [Jami' al-Ahadith, Hadith 233]

21. Sayyiduna Ibn ‘Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bestow peace and blessings upon him) said,
أبو بكر وعمر من هذا الدين كمنزلة السمع والبصر من الرأس
“Abu Bakr and Umar are to the religion like the station of the hearing and the sight to the head.” [Al-Khattib in Tarikh, Vol. 8, Page 459 from Jabir]

22. Sayyiduna Ibn ‘Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) reports that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bestow peace and blessings upon him) said,
أبو بكر وعمر مني بمنزلة هارون من موسى“Abu Bakr and Umar are to me in the station of Haroon from Musa.” [Al-Khattib in Tarikh, Vol. 5, Page 194]

23. Sayyiduna Ibn ‘Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) reports that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bestow peace and blessings upon him) said,
عمر مني وأنا من عمر، والحق بعدي مع عمر حيث كان
“I am from Umar and Umar is from me. The truth, after me, is with Umar wherever he is.” [Al-Tabrani in Awsat, Vol. 3, Page 104, Hadith 2629]

24. Sayyiduna Ibn Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) reports that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bestow peace and blessings upon him) struck the chest of Umar with his hand when he became Muslim and said,

اللهم أخرج ما في صدر عمر من غل وداء، وأبدله إيمانا - ثلاثا “O Allah take out from the heart of Umar rancour and disease in exchange for faith.” (Three times) [Jami' al-Ahadith, Hadith 4812]

25. Sayyiduna Ibn ‘Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bestow peace and blessings upon him) said,
أتاني جبريل عليه السلام فقال: أقرىء عمر السلام وقل له: إن رضاه حكم، وإن غضبه عزّ
“Jibril, upon him peace, came to me and said, Convey greeting to Umar and say to him his satisfaction is wisdom and his anger might.” [Al-Tabrani in Kabir, Vol. 10, Page 207, Hadith 12302]

26. A freed bondswoman of Sayyidah Hafsah (may Allah be pleased with her) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bestow peace and blessings upon him) said,
إن الشيطان لم يلق عمر منذ أسلم إلا خر لوجهه
“Satan has not meet Umar since he became Muslim except murmur in his face.” [Al-Tabarani in Al-Kabir, Vol. 18, Page 42, Hadith 20230]

27. Sayyiduna Abu Dhar (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bestow peace and blessings upon him) saw Umar and said,
لا تصيبنكم فتنة ما دام هذا فيكم
“You shall not be afflicted with tribulation as long as he is amongst you.” [Al-Tabarani in Awsat, Vol. 4, Page 478, Hadith 2019]

28. Sayyiduna Abu Sa’id Al-Khudari (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bestow peace and blessings upon him) said,
من أبغض عمر فقد أبغضني، ومن أحب عمر فقد أحبني“Whoever hates Umar hates me. Whoever loves Umar loves me.” [Al-Tabarani in Awsat, Vol. 14, Page 493, Hadith 6915]
29. Sayyiduna ‘Abdullah ibn Mas’ud (may Allah be pleased with him) said,
إن كان إسلام عمر لفتحاً وهجرته لنصراً، وإمارته رحمة، والله ما استطعنا أن نصلي عند البيت الكعبة ظاهرين “If the Islam of Umar was an opening his migration was a victory and his leadership mercy. I swear by Allah that we were unable to pray at the Ka’aba publically until Umar became Muslim.” [Al-Mustadrak 'ala al-Sahîhayn‎, Vol. 3, Page 90 Hadith 4487]
30. Sayyiduna Ammar ibn Yasir (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bestow peace and blessings upon him) said,

يا عمار أتاني جبريل آنفاً فقلت: يا جبريل حدثني بفضائل عمر بن الخطاب في السماء فقال: يا محمد لو حدثتك بفضائل عمر منذ ما لبث نوح في قومه ألف سنة إلا خمسين عاما ما نفدت فضائل عمر
“O Ammar, Jibril came to me and I asked, “O Jibril narrate to me the virtues of Umar ibn Al-Khattab in the heavens.” He said, “O Muhammad, if I was to narrate the virtues of Umar from the time that Nuh remained with his people, nine hundred and fifty years, I would not exhaust the virtues of Umar.” [Abu Y’alla in Musnad, Vol. 4, Page 173, Hadith 1568]

And Allah is the giver of success; Allah is sufficient for us and a blessed protector. All praise belongs to Allah, the first, the last, the internal, the external and may Allah bless his Messenger, his prophet, our master Muhammad, his family, his companions, his group and his party; O Allah please accept. All praise belongs to Allah master of the universe

جب مسلمان قرآن چھوڑتا ہے When Muslim Leaves Quran

Islam will spread in all places? اسلام تمام جگہوں پر پھیل جاے گا

Wednesday, 16 November 2011

12 Tips for a Happy Marriage Life


Twelve Important Tips for a Happy Marriage Life
1) Enter the Marriage with the Right Intention and Renew this Often
Both spouses should enter the marriage with the pure intention of pleasing Allah, (pbuh), in order to receive His grace and blessings. The marriage itself, then, becomes an act of worship, and one for which both spouses will be rewarded. Allah (pbuh) will be pleased with them, and this will be the most critical element in ensuring peace, stability and happiness throughout the marital life. 
Realize that when an act of worship is continued over a long period of time, it becomes necessary to renew ones intention often to remain on the correct path and to obtain the most benefit.

2) Remember that Your Spouse is also someones Brother or Sister in Islam
Too often Muslims treat other people outside the home with kindness and sincerity, but then behave in a very different manner when it comes to their own spouses. Muslims should always remember that ones spouse is also another brother or sister in Islam and that the rights and duties that apply to the general brotherhood (sisterhood) of Islam, should also form the basis of the marital relationship. Obviously, a spouse has rights beyond these, but there should be a clear understanding of the rights of brotherhood (sisterhood) and adherence to these principles.
The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said: None of you are true believers until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself. [Bukhari,2/12

3) Do Not Hold Unrealistic Expectations
Before marriage, people often have unrealistic ideas about their spouse-to-be, and expect perfection in all aspects. This rarely, if ever, plays out in reality, and can lead to unnecessary problems and concerns. We should recall that Allah (pbuh) created humans as imperfect beings, which means that many mistakes will be made throughout a lifetime. By turning the table and expecting imperfection, we will be pleasantly surprised and pleased when we discover our spouse is much more than we ever hoped for. This, in turn, leads to contentment within the marriage.

4) Focus on the Best in Your Spouse
Since no one is endowed with all of the best qualities, emphasis should be placed on the positive qualities that a spouse possesses. Express encouragement, praise, and gratitude on a regular basis, to strengthen these qualities and to encourage developing others. 
Make an attempt to overlook or ignore negative characteristics, as the Prophet(pbuh) said, “A believing man should not have any malice against a believing woman. He may dislike one characteristic in her, but may find another in her which is pleasing.” [Muslim, 8/3469]

5) Be Your Mates Best Friend
Try to think of what a best friend means and be one to your spouse. This may mean sharing interests, experiences, dreams, failures and upsets. It may involve understanding a spouse’s likes and dislikes and attempting to please him or her in any way possible. A best friend is also usually someone that can be confided to trusted, and relied upon. A spouse should be the kind of friend that one would want to keep throughout life.

6) Spend Quality Time Together
It is not enough to share meals, chores and small talk together. Spouses should also find time to focus on strengthening the relationship.Often couples get busy with their own separate tasks and forget about working on one of the most important elements in life. Quality time may be anything from having a quiet, profound conversation to going for a nice long nature walk, to sharing a special hobby or project. Both spouses should enjoy the particular option they choose and distractions should be kept to a minimum.
The Prophet (pbuh) used to race with his wife , Aisha .Sometimes she won, and sometimes he won. Remember, he was in his fifties at the time!–how many of us think we are to “mature” to do something enjoyable that can also, with a proper intention, count as an act of worship and ring in piles of good deeds?

read more: 
When was the Last Time you Raced with your Wife ?

7) Express Feelings Often
This seems like a very “Western” concept and one that some people may struggle with, but it is important to be open and honest about one’s feelings,both positive and negative. The lines of communication should always be open and any concerns should be brought to the attention of the other spouse as soon as they arise. 
The rationale of this is that, what begins as a simple concern, may grow into a major problem if it is not addressed quickly and properly. The “silent treatment” never fixes anything in the long-term.

8) Admit to Mistakes and ask for Forgiveness
Just as we ask Allah to forgive us when we make mistakes, we should also ask our spouses to forgive us when we make mistakes. 
The stronger person is the one who can admit when he or she is wrong, request pardon from the other, and work hard to improve his/her aspects that are in need of change. 
When a person is unwilling to do this, there will be little growth and development in themarriage.

9) Never Bring Up Past Mistakes
It can be very hurting for another person to be reminded of past mistakes. In Islam, it is generally not recommended to dwell on the past. One may remember errors that were made so that they are not repeated, but this should not be done excessively. Certainly, as humans, we are not in the position to judge another person. Advice may be given, but in the proper manner and with the best of intentions and etiquette.

10) Surprise Each Other at Times
This may entail bringing home a small gift or flowers, preparing a special meal, dressing up and beautifying oneself (this is not only for women), or sending a secret note in a lunch-box. A little imagination goes a long way here. 
The idea is to spice up the marriage and avoid getting into a dull routine that may negatively impact the marriage.
11) Cultivate a Sense of Humour
Joke with your spouse. This particular aspect goes a long way in preventing arguments and brightening the atmosphere of the home. Life is a constant stream of challenges and tests, and to approach it in a light-hearted manner helps make the journey smoother and more enjoyable. You may also find that your spouse enjoys this characteristic, and looks forward to spending time with you because of it.
In fact, the Prophet (pbuh) himself joked with his wives, as well as with companions (though without lying).

12) Quick Tips for Discussions and Disagreements
  • Begin with the intention to resolve the issue. If both spouses have this intention and plan to consult together, it is more likely that there will be a successful resolution.

  • Remember that it takes two to quarrel. If only one person chooses not to argue, there will be no argument. Generally, the one who is wrong does most of the talking.

  • Both spouses should not be angry at the same time. If one of the spouses becomes upset, it is best if the other tries to remain calm and collected.

  • Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire. Of course, house fires do not occur very frequently; yelling should occur at about the same rate.

  • Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled. This is one of the worst things that can happen in a marriage and should be avoided as much as possible. This allows hurt feelings and thoughts to linger and generally exacerbates the problem.

  • If one spouse needs to win, let it be your mate. Do not focus on winning yourself; this is the main reason that discussions tend to become heated.

  • Remember your house in Paradise! The Prophet (pbuh) said: I guarantee a house in the surroundings [suburbs] of Paradise for a man who avoids quarreling even if he were in the right, a house in the middle of Paradise for a man who avoids lying even if he were joking, and a house in the upper part of Paradise for a man who made his character good.[Abu Dawud, 41/4782]

How To Receive Hajjis ?

How To Receive Hajjis ?
On welcoming hajjis home, it is mustahab (commendable) to congratulate them and make a banquet for them. But decorating with lights, firing gunshots, and hanging welcoming banners on walls are all forms of extravagance and showing off that should be avoided. Basically, there is nothing wrong in showing happiness for the safe arrival of hajjis when receiving them, yet it should be done without wasting money because this was not the practice of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him).

Allah accepts acts of worship when done with sincerity, which is achieved by avoiding all aspects of showing off. My concern is that such acts like putting up banners, colored lights, and firing gunshots as a welcoming gesture might be counted as a form of extravagance and showing off; that is why I suggest that they should be avoided.

In this regard Allah says: (O ye who believe! Render not vain your almsgiving by reproach and injury, like him who spendeth his wealth only to be seen of men and believeth not in Allah and the Last Day. His likeness is as the likeness of a rock whereon is dust of earth; a rainstorm smiteth it, leaving it smooth and bare.) (Al-Baqarah 2: 264)

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "He who lets the people hear of his good deeds intentionally, to win their praise, Allah will let the people know his real intention (on the Day of Resurrection), and he who shows off, Allah will disgrace." (Al-Bukhari and Muslim).
Besides, it is unlawful to slaughter sheep and make a hajji pass over it because slaughtering should be dedicated only for the sake of Allah.
Almighty Allah says: (Say: Lo! My worship and my sacrifice and my living and my dying are for Allah, Lord of the Worlds.) (Al-Anam 6: 162)

Receiving people coming from Hajj should be done without exaggeration. There is nothing wrong in using phrases like "May Allah accept your Hajj, grant you forgiveness, and reward you for your efforts."

In another hadith the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "O Allah! Forgive pilgrims and those for whom pilgrims have sought forgiveness from You."

There is nothing wrong if the relatives of hajjis prepare a banquet for them and those who come to congratulate them.

Generally speaking, it is preferable to congratulate a pilgrim on his safe arrival and on performing Hajj, for this is an act of supplication of a Muslim to his Muslim brother. Besides, it is a token of affection and showing mercy and sympathy to one another.

In the Quran, we read a verse congratulating the believers on the blessings they have in Paradise. Almighty Allah says: ((And it is said unto them): Eat and drink in health (as a reward) for what ye used to do.) (At-Tur 52: 19).
On congratulating one another, people should use phrases and actions that create happiness and conform with the commands of Allah and the teachings of His Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). Occasions like marriage, birth of a child, Eid, return from a journey, Hajj, or Umrah, getting rid of distress are all occasions that need congratulations.

Sunday, 6 November 2011

Sunnahs of Eid-ul-Adha, on the Eid Day

⊹⊱✿ Sunnahs of Eid-ul-Adha ✿⊰⊹

✿ The Prophet (صلي الله عليه وسلم) used to do ghusl on the day of ‘Eid.

✿ He (صلي الله عليه وسلم) used to wear his most beautiful garments to go out to pray. For modesty reasons, the women should avoid adorning themselves when they go out for ‘Eid.

✿ With regard to ‘Eid-ul-Adha, the Prophet (صلي الله عليه وسلم) used not to eat anything until he came back from the place of prayer. He would eat some of the meat of his sacrifice. If a person is not planning to offer a sacrifice, then there is nothing wrong with eating before the prayer.

✿ And he (صلي الله عليه وسلم) used to go out to the ‘Eid prayer walking and come back walking. He (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) used to vary his route on the day of ‘Eid. He would go by one route and come back by another.

✿ Another sunnah is to say the takbeerat “Allahu akbar, Allahu akbar, laa ilaaha illAllah, wa Allahu akbar, Allahu akbar, wa lillaah il-hamd (Allah is Most Great, Allah is most Great, there is no god but Allah, Allah is Most Great, Allah is Most Great, and to Allah be praise)” when coming out of one’s house to the prayer place and until the imam comes.

✿ The Prophet (صلي الله عليه وسلم) used to offer the ‘Eid prayers in the prayer-place (musalla).

✿ He (صلي الله عليه وسلم) did not offer any prayer in the prayer-place before or after the ‘Eid prayer.

✿ The ‘Eid prayer does not consist of an adhaan or an iqaamah.

✿ The Prophet (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) would start with the prayer before the khutbah.

✿ There are seven takbeerat in the first raka’h and five takbeerat in the second raka’h of ‘Eid prayer (Tirmidhi).

✿ The khutbah after the ‘Eid prayer is optional. Abu Dawood narrated that ‘Abdullah ibn al-Saa’ib said: “I attended ‘Eid (prayer) with the Messenger of Allah (صلي الله عليه وسلم), and when he had finished the prayer he said: ‘We are going to deliver the khutbah, so whoever wants to sit and listen to the khutbah, let him do so, and whoever wants to leave, let him go.’”

✿ Exchange du’a, congratulations or good wishes with the people at the end of the khutbah. Examples include: Taqabbal Allah minna wa minkum (May Allah accept (good deeds) from us and from you) or “Eid Mubarak” and other permissible expressions of congratulations.

✿ The Days of Tashreeq: The days of Tashreeq are the 11th, 12th and 13th of Dhul Hijjah. The Prophet (صلي الله عليه وسلم) said concerning the days of Tashreeq: “They are days of eating, drinking and remembering Allah.” It is recommended to remember Allah immediately after the prescribed prayers by reciting the takbeerat. This is prescribed until the end of the days of Tashreeq according to the majority of scholars.


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